More dreams

1) A day after the back to back dreams (making this a back to back to back type of thing) I had a dream of hitting a Latino dude who was walking in a crowd. I wanted to hit and run, even more so when the wails reached fever pitch. I couldn't see the state of the person I'd hit but the wails seemed suggestive that he was a goner. But I was incredulous that a simple sideswipe (I had seen him out of my peripheral vision at the last second) could be so deadly. I turned the car around and headed towards the crowd. The dream ended.

2) I dreamt a familiar type of dream. The neighborhood movie theater. Tucked away in an indoor mall, but it was a local place without upscale pretensions. There was a familiar feel to the arcade-type mall feel, with its multitude of peeling posters on the walls outside. Just as familiar is the combination of St. Marks'-8th Street (Manhattan) and Steinway Street (Queens). Dream memory has eroded much but here goes. I ask what appears to be the manager or owner of the movie theater for something. I think drugs but it's very hazy at this point. He had an older man with coiffed silver hair (late 60s?) employed as a bag man. He was otherwise friendly. It was a favor of some sort. The movie theater was experimenting with screening a hard-core porn film. The crowds came for sure. I peered in and saw two young ladies in the audience sucking each other's breasts, which, by the look of them (baggy and obvious filled with some kind of liquid) were obviously implants. I appeared to attract the wrong kind of attention. The boss and his pal acted sympathetic to me, and we said our goodbyes. I also squeezed in a short apology. He said, no problem, he will have our silver-haired bagman help me close things up in the theater. As I walked to the theater area of the indoor mall, I wondered why the owner/manager was being so cool about things. Either that was that OR he was planning to take care of me in a not so good way. As I approached the lovable, irascible get-it-done guy, my worst suspicions were confirmed. He came at me with a tape measure. The metal tape was jagged and rusty. A tape measure used as an assassination weapon, wow. Anyway, I wrestle the tape measure from Mr. Bagman and I do him in instead by strangulation. I remember returning to the site some time later to reflect on the turn of events.. The dream ended at this point.

I haven't yet come to an understanding of these dreams. Nor have I pieced together the meaning of the dreams I previously posted, although the commonality of the interpretations point to something about a struggle to meet the repressed and unacknowledged parts of the personal narrative.

Cause and effect: Where the cure isn't

An interesting example describing a common mistake that I and other seekers have made at some point in their inquiry popped up just this morning.

Say there's a big old wart or corn or something planted somewhere on your body that is just itching like hell. Creams and other medications just aren't working. So you go to the doctor with your problem. Now, what do you tell doc? Do you identify the problem as the itch, or as the wart itself?

Similarly, we talk of our existential, spiritual problem (i.e., a life of suffering, alienation, craving and fragmentation) being that of attachment with phenomena in our experience. Attachment is an aspect of ego-existence. The mistaken and hypnotized insistence on a self-sense as a central, core component of our being gives rise to attachment. The point is, should attachment be the focus of our inquiry as spiritual aspirants, or should it be the self-sense itself?

We recognize the troublesome itch as an effect of our wart and so come to recognize that an effective treatment for the itch is removal of the wart. In the same way, attachment is an effect of the sense of self that dominates our experience and confounds us into admitting it as a central part of who we are. Thus, we are best served to not get hung up about attachment and instead go straight ahead (as a topic of self-inquiry) into the sense of I-Me.

A couple of notes

1) There has been, for the past couple of weeks now, a higher than usual rate of incidence of deja vus, strange coincidences, and moments of strange synchronicity (thinking about someone seconds before they call, mentioning some topic to someone who was recently thinking about the same, and so on). Jury's out on the significance of such weirdness or on its usefulness to my inquiry.

2) At the same time, and especially the past couple of days, the core dissatisfaction has been increasingly difficult to ignore, rationalize away, or attempt distraction from.

I see these as opportunities to look within with a better attitude and firmer resolve.

Obstacles

There's always gonna be obstacles. The thing is, you don't let those obstacles become what determines where you go.-- Pearl Fryar, A Man Named Pearl

Inspiring. And I would say it applies to all pursuits, including spiritual pursuits.

Dreams So Real?

I always thought of dream journals that they are a great idea but for the stipulation that one must be having dreams whose emotional charge or meaning was worth recording. Like, there at last must be something halfway important that is bubbling up from the unseen peripheries of the mind that pertain to my story. But, well, there always have been -- except for that time in 2002 when there was dreamless sleep only. Besides simply admitting that there was no good reason to do so, I would always rationalize not recording at least the out-there or the deeply meaningful dreams with the usual couple of arguments -- chief among them that I'll just go through my day with the feeling from the dream glowing like an ember slowly releasing its energy as the day goes on. (Well, usually this feeling would quickly die down once the mind became engaged with the morning's routines.) Another argument is that the message was likely assimilated by some behind-the-scenes brain-mind function, like it's not really meant for the conscious, moving mind, with its insistent weaving of my story. The memorized corollary belief has been that this fucked up mind can't do anything with it even if there was a message there for it. Still, these two dreams I have to record, and I'm not sure what will become of it. I do hope to get an insight into how I appear, all mixed up with the sticky cobwebs of the moving mind.
The two dreams that keep emerging from memory are dreams that happened yesterday and today. So there being two back to back weird-ass dreams was also interesting in and of itself. Yesterday's dream concluded with a (young?) lion biting me, mostly my hands (or was it just one hand?). I remember, as the dream actor, not being particularly perturbed by this. Today's dream concluded with my having sex with this one chick but there were feces and gunk all over her body and, as I would notice, on the clothes I doffed in order to sex her up. Again, I wasn't particularly unsettled by this, although I did wonder why there was shit on the back of my shirt's lapel as it hung over the back of some nearby chair, never mind her coochie.
So, OF COURSE, I went over to some dream interpretation web site after on both occasions leaving the dream world. Here are some interesting interpretations -- not that I find them off the mark, just can't know for sure whether these are the decoded Morse code streams emanating from deep within.

bitten:This is a dream of very ill omen and it shows that you are in danger of suffering ill from the hands of someone who has wished you harm for a long time. It also a wish to undo something that you may have done that is past being repairable, as well as a warning of physical harm and monetary losses. If you dream of being bitten by a vampire this shows there is someone in your life that is draining you, or your resources, and you need to eliminate this person from your life.

lion:Dreaming of a lion shows you have many obstacles to overcome, and must resist the real force that is driving you to self destruction; if the lion overpowers you, you will lose, but, if win out over the lion you will be the victor. As the lion usually represents different aspects of our own inner nature either as we are, or as we think ourselves to be, then in this light the dream must be correlated by using as many of the symbols you see in your dream and carefully analyzing the different actions of each character.

sex:To dream about sex, refers to the psychological completion and the integration of contrasting aspects of the Self. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character. Alternatively and a more direct interpretation of the dream, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love.
To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually and you can even bring that sense of adventure to your existing relationship.
To dream that you are having sex with an ex or someone who is not your current mate, denotes your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation. You may feel nervous about exposing yourself or currently feel a resurgence of those old emotions and feelings that you felt back when you and your ex were together. Believe it or not, it is not uncommon for people approaching their wedding to experience especially erotic adventures with partners other than their intended spouses. This may be due to the intensity of your sexual passion with your fiancée. It also relates to the new roles that you will be taking on and the uncertainty that that may bring.

feces:To see or come in contact with feces, signifies aspects of yourself that are dirty and negative and which you believe to be undesirable and repulsive. You need to acknowledge and express these feelings, even though it may be shameful. Release the negativity in your life. Alternatively, it may also refer to someone who is anal retentive.
To dream that you are unable to dispose of the feces, suggests that you are unwilling to let go of your emotions. You have a tendency to hold in and keep your feelings to yourself.
According to Freud, feces is related to possession, pride, shame, money/financial matters, or aggressive acts. So to dream that you are playing with feces, symbolizes your anxiety over money matters and financial security.

This year has certainly been interesting. Things have changed. Big surprise there right? While the quality of the tumultuous moving mind and its golem creation, the ego, have not changed, there have been a number of incremental tweaks to my approach to life. There has been some fallout to the heaviness of my reactions to the events of this past year. I just recently tipped the scales at 225 pounds. 16 stone. 102 kilos. A testament to the reaction to the perception of increased chaos, survival anxiety and not a little of the familiar learned helplessness (and let's not forget the quit smoking experiment that lasted three months). That's my take on the heavy amount of face stuffing -- and nonexistent amount of activity besides throwing one-man pity parties -- that went down from May to August. Even though events in the past four months have been interpreted as positive (notables: getting involved in social work, getting involved in the local Zen group, rapprochement with my wife), it still feels like something isn't in order. The familiar siren song of me, myself, I, ego.

I intend to post further on this....