Dream Sequence 1/13/09

In this dream, I was a resident of Los Angeles. I got a job as part of the cast on a reality-TV type of show (probably because, at the time, the TV in the living room was tuned to HGTV as I slept). I went in and felt a bit removed from what was going on but otherwise had no trouble playing along.

At one point in the taping of the latest episode, the cast took a break. I took a liking to one of the young ladies there, who happened to be sitting in front of me but facing front so her back was to me. I don't remember what, if anything, was said between us, but a magnetism between us eventually led to an embrace. I mean, it was a really tightly-held, long lasting hug.

During the hug, I felt so good, so fulfilled, so liking this person. This feeling of warmth and very strong fulfilled longing seemed to emanate from my chest. I was no longer in my head but in my chest. The feeling was so incredibly intense.

The embrace eventually ended and we resumed our positions in the room, just sitting in the dimly lit room and waiting for the taping to resume so we can get back to work. Another female who sat to my left whispered to her, "I think he really likes you". The satisfaction from this shared recognition lasted for a fraction of a second before the woman I embraced whispered back, "Yeah, he's making 70,000 dollars". Of course, not having made $70,000 a year in seven years, I immediately understand that she's not talking about me. Then she looked to her right and locked hands with an unseen male. The girl to my side, completely oblivious to me and to the embrace I shared with her friend, smiled approvingly. I felt that her ignoring me was a sign of her rejection of me.

So, at that point I felt rejected and betrayed but figured, hey, life goes on. But, I sure wasn't going to continue on with the rest of the episode, even though it was my first day there. I resolved to silently make my exit from the scene. I started through the doors but quickly realized that I had no idea about how to get back home. I retraced my steps back 100 or so feet back to the entrance of the building.

I asked a bespectacled African-American man (the only one I saw the whole time there) who worked at the information desk by the entrance of the building how to get to where I wanted to go. He smiled in recognition. I told him, "I guess you can tell by my accent that I'm from New York City. (That's something I've told people on a number of occasions since moving to Athens.) Up in NYC, we got the buses and the subways and all that (something else I've said a few times, too)."

....

I guess an internal timer must have gone off, because the dream abruptly ended at this point in the sequence. It was time for me to go to an appointment with one of my clients.

Lingering feelings/thoughts/impressions:

• Rejection/Betrayal (though, this time, not leading to a total meltdown)
• LONELINESS
• signs of recognition
• the NYC-accent schtick identity thing I do
• lost, needing directions
• an African-American of my age being the only trustworthy one
• still walking away when things get too much to handle

Physical: A lingering knot of tension in my chest. 3 to 4 hours after the end of the dream sequence.

Could be related to affliction/vulnerability. Or, is that what's been there the whole time?