Self-inquiry: Does my story figure into it?

It was huge to accept that the practice of direct, inward looking need not be contingent upon the details of the story of my life. At least not in the way that I previously believed. If we wait until every aspect of our life story is acceptable to us then we'll really never muster more than a half-hearted attempt to engage in meaningful action. It will be relegated to the scheduling of meditative practice. "OK, 15 minutes is up." And, think about it: Isn't our life story one of the roots of the impulse to seek respite? Respite from the suffering we see in the story of our life experience? That's a damned racket.

Now, there is something to note here. In the course of continued looking, repressed "shadow" material will 100%-guaranteed bubble into plain, inescapable view. Not being able to escape The Unbearable may provoke an earnest evaluation of the way we tell ourselves the story of our lives. This may translate into the kind of surrender that results in deep changes in our life. How long have I accepted the job, spouse, social circle, use of leisure time (get back to work, robot!!!), and so on, that hasn't been working but it's just more comfortable to keep it going because I am terrified of life without it? That could be where the story needs attending to. Something like "keeping the house in order " and "right effort ".

In any case, we look at ourself, look at the compulsions, look for the source of my thoughts, look to what is habitually in my attention, look for myself, look for me. And we do it when we don't have to attend to some life necessity.